


What I Can't Write for Now

by heartheldhostage



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartheldhostage/pseuds/heartheldhostage
Summary: Once Jared started writing for Fangasm's new book, he found it was a good release for him. There are just some things that they couldn't publish.





	What I Can't Write for Now

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely my fantasy (yeah, okay). Jared did not write this (that I know of). But wouldn't it be nice if he did?

DISCLAIMER: This was NOT written by Jared Padalecki.  
5/17

 

What I Can't Write for Now

The last year has been hell. We love our children and wouldn't take anything for them. It just makes it so much more difficult for us to have any real time together. We want to spend time with our babies; we have to spend time with our wives so people see two separate happy families.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel, though, and it's not hell fire. The show will wrap soon, my wife and I will divorce (finally), and he and I can move on to the life we've dreamed of for years.

Much to the dismay (like we give a shit) of our agents, producers, the network big wigs, we haven't actually hidden our relationship in years. We don't flaunt it (much), but our fans know we care deeply about each other. Some seem to have a pretty good idea how deeply; they just don't have more than circumstantial evidence. (I'd be the first one to give it to them if I could.)

We didn't get together immediately. In fact, we fought our attraction to each other for years. There was so much at stake: the show, our friendship, our careers, even our families (not all of whom are thrilled with our relationship even after all this time). However, the longer we worked together, the more time we spent together, the harder it became to deny. So we stopped fighting it, and I will be forever grateful that we did.

I'll never forget the first time he told me he loves me. It's one of the six happiest days of my life, the other five being the days our children were born. He's reserved at times, stubborn as a mule, and can be a bit overprotective. He's also a hopeless romantic at heart.

The first time he told me he loves me, he took me on a romantic picnic to the place we first had lunch together when we were filming our second episode. He surprised me with a campfire and a tent already set up. We spent the entire day there, just us together. That was the first time he trusted me enough to, well, that's TMI. Suffice to say he not only told me how he feels about me, he showed me.

Life hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine for us. Forced separation for weeks at a time, having to pretend to love other people, worst of all for him was my depression. He's been the one constant for me, my rock, my protector. I've tried to be the same for him.

It won't be long now until we trade all that for school events, watching our children date, and, God help us, grandchildren. That's what we've been working so hard for. That's what we've wanted for years. I'm not sure either of us will quite believe it when it happens.

He and I have talked about going public with our relationship when the show ends. We probably won't do it because he may want to continue acting. Honestly, our families wouldn't all be pleased with us going public. I'll be fine either way just as long as he's happy.

I guess that begs the question: Why am I writing this? I'm writing this because, sooner or later, the truth will come out. It may come out tomorrow or it may come out twenty years after he and I have moved on to the next life. Whenever it comes out, I want our side to be told.

We know that many of our fans don't want to believe we're together because, in their eyes, that would mean we've been lying to them for years. They might think it means we've been lying to our wives and that the girls will be hurt.

That's not how it is. What those fans don't understand is that an actor's public persona is just another part for him/her to act out. It's just another job. It's not that we intentionally lie to the public; we're just doing our jobs and portraying the image our bosses demand.

As for our wives? They're doing the same thing. They knew going in that he and I are together. They aren't being lied to and won't be hurt by the divorces. His wife is ready, and so is mine.

Some fans get angry thinking about us confusing our children. Our children are being raised with love and honesty. They know about us. They also know why they can't tell anyone. And, to be perfectly blunt, how we raise our children is our business.

We love our fans. We love our show. First and foremost, Jensen and I love each other. That will never change, no matter what anyone thinks or feels about it. I want people to understand, to know that we only do what we have to, but it doesn't change anything if they don't. We have been together for over a decade, we are together now, and we will be together for the rest of our lives.

That you're disappointed, I'm sorry. That you're angry, I'm sorry. Just don't expect me to apologize for doing my job, and I sure as hell won't apologize for loving Jensen. No one who truly knows him could ever blame me for that.

When the truth about our lives does come out, please remember that we never intended to hurt anyone. Remember that very little in life is what it seems. And remember that you can never know the heart of someone you only see on TV or spend a couple of minutes with at a convention.

When you judge us, judge us with love and know that we love you.

Jared


End file.
